One Rant, Two Good Newses!
A particular disfavourite of mine is the less threatening "Cheer Up Love, It Might Never Happen". Nearly always said by strange men to younger women, this phrase translates to "Give us a smile!" or "Your facial expression displeases me: rectify this situation." (Apparently old ladies have also been known to say it to young people of either sex, but old ladies are not subject to the same social rules as the rest of us, which is something to look forward to.)
When a bloke says CULIMNH - which would make a good trendy Gaelic baby name, pronounced "Keith" - he is of course not really concerned for the happiness of the lady in question. Firstly, he will usually say it not to a woman who looks genuinely upset, but to one of neutral countenance who has done nothing to provoke, evoke, invoke or otherwise voke the comment. Secondly, if he really thought she was unhappy, and wanted to go against the usual human habit of ignoring distressed people in public, he'd ask a question, like "Are you OK?" or "Is everything all right?", or perhaps, if he thought something truly terrible had happened, "Can I get you a cup of tea?"
It's an order, so you can't really answer as such, just comply or defy with or without verbal garnish. "Mind your own business" or even "Piss off" are no ruder than making an unsolicited remark about a stranger's face, but I'd find it very difficult to be deliberately impolite to a stranger, even in retaliation. "Do I know you?" invites further conversation, which you probably wish to avoid. So a brief glare is the best response I can usually summon. But one day - one day - I will burst into theatrical tears, fling myself to the ground and weep inconsolably, crying "How could you!" and "He was only four!" in between racking sobs.
I hate it when I write things and some bitch with a time machine nicks'em. That'll teach me to Google my neologisms.
GOOD NEWS: Anthea Smut and her sister have started a small business making Inedible Jewellery. You must know someone who needs key lime pie earrings or croissant cufflinks. They'll do commissions, too, like this panda. That's sushi in the background.
EVEN BETTER NEWS: Cromagnon got the job!