One Rant, Two Good Newses!
RANT: Reading these posts about being shouted at in the street reminded me how little I miss British street comments. Guys: stop it. It's never funny, and often genuinely frightening.
A particular disfavourite of mine is the less threatening "Cheer Up Love, It Might Never Happen". Nearly always said by strange men to younger women, this phrase translates to "Give us a smile!" or "Your facial expression displeases me: rectify this situation." (Apparently old ladies have also been known to say it to young people of either sex, but old ladies are not subject to the same social rules as the rest of us, which is something to look forward to.)
When a bloke says CULIMNH - which would make a good trendy Gaelic baby name, pronounced "Keith" - he is of course not really concerned for the happiness of the lady in question. Firstly, he will usually say it not to a woman who looks genuinely upset, but to one of neutral countenance who has done nothing to provoke, evoke, invoke or otherwise voke the comment. Secondly, if he really thought she was unhappy, and wanted to go against the usual human habit of ignoring distressed people in public, he'd ask a question, like "Are you OK?" or "Is everything all right?", or perhaps, if he thought something truly terrible had happened, "Can I get you a cup of tea?"
It's an order, so you can't really answer as such, just comply or defy with or without verbal garnish. "Mind your own business" or even "Piss off" are no ruder than making an unsolicited remark about a stranger's face, but I'd find it very difficult to be deliberately impolite to a stranger, even in retaliation. "Do I know you?" invites further conversation, which you probably wish to avoid. So a brief glare is the best response I can usually summon. But one day - one day - I will burst into theatrical tears, fling myself to the ground and weep inconsolably, crying "How could you!" and "He was only four!" in between racking sobs.
I hate it when I write things and some bitch with a time machine nicks'em. That'll teach me to Google my neologisms.
GOOD NEWS: Anthea Smut and her sister have started a small business making Inedible Jewellery. You must know someone who needs key lime pie earrings or croissant cufflinks. They'll do commissions, too, like this panda. That's sushi in the background.
EVEN BETTER NEWS: Cromagnon got the job!
A particular disfavourite of mine is the less threatening "Cheer Up Love, It Might Never Happen". Nearly always said by strange men to younger women, this phrase translates to "Give us a smile!" or "Your facial expression displeases me: rectify this situation." (Apparently old ladies have also been known to say it to young people of either sex, but old ladies are not subject to the same social rules as the rest of us, which is something to look forward to.)
When a bloke says CULIMNH - which would make a good trendy Gaelic baby name, pronounced "Keith" - he is of course not really concerned for the happiness of the lady in question. Firstly, he will usually say it not to a woman who looks genuinely upset, but to one of neutral countenance who has done nothing to provoke, evoke, invoke or otherwise voke the comment. Secondly, if he really thought she was unhappy, and wanted to go against the usual human habit of ignoring distressed people in public, he'd ask a question, like "Are you OK?" or "Is everything all right?", or perhaps, if he thought something truly terrible had happened, "Can I get you a cup of tea?"
It's an order, so you can't really answer as such, just comply or defy with or without verbal garnish. "Mind your own business" or even "Piss off" are no ruder than making an unsolicited remark about a stranger's face, but I'd find it very difficult to be deliberately impolite to a stranger, even in retaliation. "Do I know you?" invites further conversation, which you probably wish to avoid. So a brief glare is the best response I can usually summon. But one day - one day - I will burst into theatrical tears, fling myself to the ground and weep inconsolably, crying "How could you!" and "He was only four!" in between racking sobs.
I hate it when I write things and some bitch with a time machine nicks'em. That'll teach me to Google my neologisms.
GOOD NEWS: Anthea Smut and her sister have started a small business making Inedible Jewellery. You must know someone who needs key lime pie earrings or croissant cufflinks. They'll do commissions, too, like this panda. That's sushi in the background.
EVEN BETTER NEWS: Cromagnon got the job!
Labels: Blaming, Self-Absorption, Things I Like
posted by MissPrism at 10:16 am
9 Comments:
Wonderful news! Congratulations to Cromagnon!
Congrats to Cromagnon!
I did once respond to "CULIMNH" with "My father just died" in a very flat tone. I probably wouldn't have thought of it, but he actually had. Sadly I can't remember what effect it had - I think they looked sheepish and carried on walking.
I never got the shouting in the street thing. Oh well. Looks like I did just fine without it.
I often attract shouting on the street due to having large afro hair. The most amusing incident was in London where a small child stared for some time and then asked if I spoke English to which my Mum responded with an assortment of strange noises whilst staring back.
Hi, hope you don't mind my dropping by.
I hat being told to smile. Here I am, quietly going about my business, and some guy thinks I don't look happy enough? Since when is that a concern of his anyway?
I normally get aggressive about being told to smile - menacingly, low-level aggressive. But then, I did ten years of martial arts and used to work as a security guard, so I can generally handle a fight should it come to that.
lalouve
I usually find that replying "Piss off" to CULIMNH works just fine - and the same goes for its male equivalent, CUMIMNH, which sounds like some sort of spice. If the person saying it to you is also obstructing your path with the intention of trying to extort £15 for the charity of the day (having tried to do the same thing for a different charity every day for the last month), a kick in the shins tends to have the desired effect.
I've had that "Smile" order mewled at me when I was walking out of work -- through the hospital lobby, in disarrayed uniform, hair all fratzed and shoulders slumped, big black bags under bloodshot eyes, at 7:30AM. All I could muster was a look of disbelief. Hospital rules discourage strangling strangers on the grounds with one's stethoscope.
I have been dubiously blessed with such looks as to enable me, when urged to ~SMILE~ on the street, to return a smile that makes the annoyer regret having raised the subject. Having recently got braces on my teeth at the age of 56 has only enhanced that charm. I believe normal people can cultivate such a smile, too, with practice.
I've found a pretty good comeback. Whenever some man says, "Give us a smile.", I just say, "Give us a twenty."
Ha!
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