Almost exactly this happened

(Sound of ringing telephone)
Female Voice: Upper Middle Class Department Store, Jemima speaking, how may I help you?
Me: Hello, my name's Dr Laetitia Prism. I bought a blender at your shop yesterday but I forgot to take it home and left it by the tills like a dozy bint.
FV: Ah.
Me: And I wondered if it was maybe still there or something?
FV: Hold on a minute (lots of beeping) No, there's nothing by the tills, so for all I know you're lying and want a free blender. However, our customers wouldn't do that sort of thing, so do you want a free blender?
Me: Oh yes, that would be nice.
FV: Just to make sure you're one of us, how many types of cooking oil do you have?
Me: Er... five?
FV: Splendid. Just pop to the store this afternoon, and provided you don't look poor we'll hand it over. (Air kiss) Byee!

Did You Know...

..that the human gut contains a bacterial ecosystem more diverse than that in acidic runoff from a mine, but less diverse than that in a rotting whale carcass?

Nobody knows much about microbial ecosystems, so of course it's perfectly sensible to make comparisons between the few we do have data from. But something about the above still made me giggle a bit: imagine an alternative universe where scientists only just worked out how to weigh things. "We weighed a book! It's more than a shoe, but less than a cat!"

I'm neglecting my blog in favour of a shiny new toy.

And I'm not sorry.
Parp!

Read this, get cross, write to someone.

Incompetence, cruelty, racism or a delicious blended smoothie of the three? You decide. UK Borders Agency starves baby.